Winter blast

Snow in my shoes that melt when I walk down the road. You meant to much,my steps hurried and I'm cold.

Don't leave me. And you left.

Without a single word...

when i am have drank more than a fare share of red wine is when I acctually feel rational, all I want to do is sleep, I do not care about feelings or any other bullshit...

Ah freedom in alcohol, that is wherein it lays... the carefree feeling... Oh how I do not care!

I did dream last night

SHE walks into my dreams from time to time, it makes me uncomfortble, but oh so comfortble. SHE just happen to be one of those I never slept with, she just seem to be someone that would be amazing, but I could never really give myself to.

I lied, I dream more and more about him, and the worst is that I know there is only one way to get rid of it. And I don't dare, because I might fall in love, and I know I am already walking that road...

I hate the chemistry... I hate it!

Hormons rage and I die

I sit in the car and the world outside fly by
I just cannot justify the feeling
it bubbles
from within
I never could ask for more or less
My thoughts wander

Open the door, let me in
grab me
kiss me hard
and long
be stronger than me
lift me up
hold me against your heart
and then slowly undress me
and I will melt in your arms
I think you know
but you don't

Citydweller

I have laid the time down
I have forgotten why
I will leave you
now and forever

Yada yada yada

They say we have seen the light, that we have been saved, it is so freaking bright it does hurt my eyes. It might just be the sun on the snow, I have to close my eyes. Painful, that feeling that Jesus walked past, but he passed me up for a better woman. And is that not what we all fear the most, to get discarded, because something better came along, even if we tried so hard.

I guess we will never be good enough for his Holyness
Being good enough is a constant struggle in the shadow of the Swedish Law of Jante.. We are supposed to be everything and then we still should not be that great, greatness have so many faces, that I could cry on your shoulder and just get held.

Jesus and God let their faces shine on me, just in the way God likes it, it is said there is a secret plan for me, you and all of us.

Would it not just be so much better if they (Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit), just gave us a map, or at least a list of things to do. I like the to do lists, they totally give me a direction to head in…

Please Dearest God, I came to see you early Christmas Day, would you now be so kind and send me a list of things I have to accomplish in 2010!

Thank you very much!

Oh yeah!

Christmas i candy
and in my family
unlimites ALCOHOL
as we say

Enter the fog...

First time we met, I knew we'd be friends... you still deny it from time to time

Be aware... I ramble...

I saw you for the first time a long, long time ago, and then again, and
again, and always in my dream you danced on broken glass, and no
unicorn would come to your rescue. You laughed at me, in a mean and a
good way… Reality usually grips me slowly, just to throw me back into a
loop of time, that I lost in a very loving way, and I laughed at myself
a thousand times.

We have seen an obscure German student city,
where we competed of who could hit the hardest on our German teacher…
We got her stinky Cheese from Paris, chocolates from Sweden and the
best of it all stories in broken German about how retarded we spent our
days drinking a striking amount of bad Rehn wine and Weiss bier… the
more we talked the less she would teach and in the end I think she was
really confused when we didn’t talk. And then we started over again and
there is something to be said about that.

We have seenBarcelona, the beach of Spain, I had you fall asleep on the beach there
after Sangria, next to me, I had to laugh, you were red as a freaking
lobster, and needed Aloe Vera. We met friends of my dad, and they got
us drunker, as if they or us shouldn’t know better. We missed our
dinner reservation, and some waiter was probably cussing in Spanish
about dumb Americans (and you are not and I am not).

We have seen Berlin, we never chased trannies, that was just a dream we might
have had in our romantic past, and it made us laugh and there are a
whole lot of them. They offered me speed at the bar under the subway
station and laughed when I danced the night away. We sat on a train to
the airport and the German little Chef lost his shoe and the little
gayboy laughed out of love. We ran into the dance floor of an outdoor
bar and took photos in machine then I sat on the swing over the river
that parts Berlin.

We have seen Paris, multiple times, we lost a
friend in Notre Dame, we visited the gay bars that Lonely Planet
recommended, and we recommended Lonely Planet to make better research.
We never made it up the Eiffel tower but we did found a Ferris Wheel,
carried a baguette under your arm and drank red wine, lots of it, until
we got thrown out of a cab in the middle of nowhere because the driver
didn’t like us kissing and then you took a shower with your clothes
still on.

You live in NYC, and I don’t and when I go there you
always laugh at me, I wake up with my pockets full of one-dollar bills,
I make out with girls and you make more fun of me, you take me to
places where I drink tequila, because we always forget it’s not what we
do, but they don’t have Fernet. I always say we should stick to wine
and my glasses get lost in yellow cabs and life just spin a little
faster. You tell girls you are from oil-money and I make out in phone
booths. And I swear forever that this is all your fault! Don’t let me
drink Tequila!

I grew up in Stockholm, you didn’t, you made out
with my best friend and I made soup and glared at you, took you
shopping for new jeans and glared some more. It was cold and my jacket
was way to big for you and you made me listen to music and you still
do. Remember how it’s gay when you only have one set of headphones and
we both listen out of them, arms and legs touching.

I tend to forget that one time, you made me cry so hard that I might have lightly
stalked you, because you were my best friend and you ran away, my heart
broke a tiny bit. But that was before, a long time before.

I stilldream about you dancing on broken glass, and so do I, but unicorns are now there for us, from time totime and that doesn’t matter because we fill our time with better times
and even if it ones was what we did not want to do, it still gives me
great pleasure to be your friend. I really don’t know what I would do
without you.

Who to call when I crazily fallen for a girl or who to
call when I’m drunk and counting cars? If it wasn't you?